sometimes..
GEOG TEST WAS HORRIBLE.
BYE.
how am i suppose to live my life?
am i suppose to live it my own way?
or should i do my best to please everyone?
sometimes i feel like not caring about anyone but myself.
but i'll look back and find myself asking why am such a selfish bitch.
then i'll start pleasing people.
do things they think i would do.
do things that i think they want me to.
do things sometimes i'm reluctant about.
in the end, i still seem not good enough.
when i start thinking they fully accept me,
my hopes and feelings are crushed by their secrecy.
everything seems futile, like i will never be enough.
no matter who they are, how i behave or whatever.
then, i'll start thinking since the efforts are all wasted, why try?
then i blame myself for being such an idiot trying to be everyone's dog.
so i start to give a whatever attitude towards everybody, again.
what a vicious cycle.
how i hope i don't have any feelings or brain.
maybe i wouldnt be able to think so much.
maybe i'll live my life like a retard.
maybe happiness isn't so good afterall.
cos' when there's happiness, sorrow will come along.
maybe, all will be well if i can't feel happy.
then i wouldn't know what sorrow or hurt is.
"secrecy secrecy.. what a killer."
hallo thanks goodbye ;
